Jul

Jump right in at Wisconsin Dells

Wisc. Dells Vis & Conv. Bureau

The Kalahari Resort Waterpark. Photo by Wisconsin Dells Visitor & Convention Bureau

WISCONSIN DELLS, Wis. • If you have taken your children on trips where they want to spend all their time at the hotel pool, this is their dream vacation.

There are some places parents endure because they know their children will love it. We agreed to visit the Wisconsin Dells, billed as the “Waterpark Capital of the World,” with this mind-set. But once we got there and saw our 6- and 8-year-olds’ excitement, we gave in. It’s fun to relive the joy of being a kid careening on water slides. And hearing comments like, “This is the best vacation ever,” raised the trip’s value immeasurably.

The Dells, which gets 3 million visitors a year, is named for the dells of the Wisconsin River. The area’s striking geography centers around a glacially formed gorge with sandstone formation along the banks of the river. There is an array of family-friendly attractions densely clustered over two main city arteries.

This city in south-central Wisconsin is about a 350-mile drive from St. Louis. We drove for about eight hours and arrived in the evening on a holiday weekend. The main strip is an assault on the senses. With loud billboards, neon signs, kitschy rows of souvenir shops, this looked like a highly commercialized tourist trap aimed largely at families.

It’s over-the-top and meant to be.

We stayed at one of the family resort hotels with two water parks on site. It’s a few winding miles off the main road and difficult to find in the dark. We spent four days visiting several local attractions. Some were a hit and others a complete miss for the ages and interests of our children. But, hands down, the area’s wide variety of water roller coasters, steep slides, lazy rivers and water play areas were the favorite of our children.

And, it seemed that they enjoyed flaunting their daredevil bravery in the face of their mother, whose enjoyment of thrill rides has mellowed considerably since her teens. It only took a little bit of baiting from my 6-year-old to ignite our family’s competitive spirit.

“You’re such a ‘fraidy cat’!” he said to me in front of the largest, winding tube slide I’ve ever seen.

Oh really, child, who I labored 18 hours to push into this world?

Bring it.

SURVIVAL GUIDE

Surviving the Dells’ high-speed, freefall waterfalls and dark rapids may have been easier than dealing with some of the logistics I wish I had known beforehand. Here is a survival guide for parents with need-to-know details.

1. If you have a child who will want to take on the “big kid” rides memorize this number: 42 inches. That’s the minimum height requirement for most of the rides our 6-year-old wanted to try. Some of the bigger ones, especially at the amusement parks, require the rider to be at least 48 inches. There are lots of shallow play areas for toddlers, but many 5- and 6-year-olds may chafe at being stuck with “the babies.”

If you are bringing a much younger child, stock up on swim diapers. Babies are required to wear them in the water, and they were pricey at the parks.

2. If you go on or around a holiday weekend, the place will be crawling with kids in every corner. That means lines — long lines — for every ride. Some of the parks do not have clearly marked lines to get the tubes or rafts required for certain rides. It may take the help of an assertive parent to make sure your child actually gets a spot in line. By mid-week, the crowds had thinned.

3. It seems like a no-brainer, but it’s worth repeating: You will have to walk — a lot. The larger slides require walking up many stories of stairs, and rarely does a child want to experience such a slide once. My husband, who has a bad knee, was limping by the last day. My calves were aching every night, even worse than when we visited Disney World. Take frequent breaks in the hot tub. And one day, we skipped the parks entirely to enjoy other attractions and give our weary bodies a break.

4. Unless your children are older and exceptionally strong swimmers, it’s a good idea to have one adult per child. We couldn’t have handled being outnumbered here with the hordes of people, the massive areas and countless distractions for little ones. We felt safest with a 1-to-1 ratio, and even then we had a scary moment when one child took off and took several minutes to find.

5. Pack lots and lots of swimwear and underwear. It’s relatively easy to pack for this trip: Sunscreen, flip-flops, towels, swimsuits, cover-ups, shorts, T-shirts and a light jacket each. We also each took a pair of pants. But, there may be two or three outfit changes in a day, depending on whether you visit an amusement park in the morning, a water park in the afternoon and head to a show after dinner. Take twice as many underpants as you think your children could possibly use in a day. And remember to reapply the sunscreen. Between the four of us, we were going through one entire spray bottle of sunscreen within a day or two.

6. An outdoor water park can get chilly very quickly. Even in mid-July, there wasn’t the baking heat of St. Louis summers in the Dells. The indoor water parks are kept warm. But an overcast or cloudy day is going to mean a freezing child in a wet swimsuit. If it starts to rain when you are visiting one of the outdoor parks, head toward the indoor water area. It will get packed quickly, so grab a tube before they all are taken.

7. Do research on deals in advance. Many smaller motels, which lack their own water parks, offer free passes to the ones nearest them. It’s easy to spend too much here without some advance planning. There are so many attractions that will appeal to all age groups, from haunted houses to mini-golf, cosmic bowling and zip lines. Take advantage of coupon books for attractions. Decide in advance which ones you plan to visit each day and budget accordingly.

8. Each park we visited offered locker rentals. Some accept credit cards, but others only take cash, usually $5 with a $5 deposit for a medium-size locker for the entire day. We took a dry change of clothes with us to each park, cameras, sunscreen, goggles (didn’t need them) and towels. If you are staying at the resort where the water park is located, they will give you towels to use. Otherwise, you have to pay for them. By the end, we were carrying much less stuff because it was such a pain to walk repeatedly to the lockers.

9. The days are long in the summer. The sun sets later, and it didn’t begin to get dark until after 9:30 p.m. The outdoor parks close at 8 p.m., but the indoor ones mostly stay open until 10 p.m. Try to take a break midday, to extend play hours well into the evening. We found the late night hours to be the best time to visit the indoor water parks because the crowds were the lightest.

ATTRACTION GUIDE

To allow you to maximize your travel budget and time, here are reviews of some of the heavily advertised attractions for families visiting the Wisconsin Dells.

• We’re sorry we tried it.

•• Meh.

••• Enjoyable.

•••• We can’t wait to go back.

Chula Vista Los Rios Water Park

••••

This was the 80,000-square-foot, multilevel indoor water park on the premises of the hotel at which we stayed. It was packed, and we waited 45 minutes for the first ride, the Flyan Mayan Roller Coaster, described as “the world’s fastest and longest indoor water coaster.” It was among our favorite rides. There are dual slides for mat races, a lazy river and a giant tipping bucket of 500 gallons of water. The outdoor park has even more thrilling rides, and my 6-year-old impressed everyone in line by fearlessly riding the slide with a 30-foot drop. ($29.95 all-day pass; chulavistaresort.com)

Dells 4-D Special Effects Theater

••

We decided to watch the dinosaur movie, although it looked a little scary from the poster. The small theater showed two short features back-to-back, both totaling about 15 minutes. The dinosaur movie would be too scary for many 6-year-olds, and even our 8-year-old said it seemed like something older tweens might enjoy. Even for older kids, it’s a very short flick for the admission price. ($7.99 adult; $5.99 child; )

Mount Olympus Water and Theme park

•••

We arrived later in the afternoon to try this themed outdoor and indoor park. It started raining almost as soon as we got there, so we headed toward the indoor park. With so many people crowding into the same space, it was hard to get the inner tube required to ride many of the slides. Most of the outdoor theme park rides seem best suited for teenagers, although there was a kiddie land for tots. ($34.99 all-day pass; mtolympuspark.com)

Wisconsin Deer Park

•••

This standard petting zoo has a unique feature: Visitors can enter a gated sanctuary to hand feed more than 100 tame deer and other wildlife. The Wisconsin white tail deer were not the least bit shy about approaching us once they realized we had some of the food park officials sell for $1 a cup. Our children were startled by being surrounded by a herd of deer, so much so that we hightailed it out of there. But, watching their reactions and all of us laughing about it later gave us one of the most memorable moments of the trip. ($12 adult; $8 child; wisdeerpark.com)

Original Wisconsin Ducks

•••

This is an 8 1/2 mile, one-hour tour on an amphibious vehicle used during World War II. The restored ducks travel by land and water on trails through the narrow walls of Red Bird Gorge, around the curves of hills and into the Wisconsin River. The highlight is the views of towering sandstone cliffs. Granted, the tour guide makes all the requisite “cheesy” jokes (Wisconsin, get it?), but I thought it was a relaxing and scenic ride. Unfortunately, we had spent the day before at adrenaline-pumping water slides, so both the children considered the tour much too tame and too long. ($24.50 adult; $12.25 child; wisconsinducktours.com)

Tommy Bartlett Show

••••

On the evening of the Fourth of July, we decided to watch this 90-minute live show that features extreme water-skiing and boat maneuvers. There’s an intermission followed by a comedy show, acrobats and stunt artists on water, on stage and in the sky. The show has been performed for 60 years, and there were parts that entertained all of us. As an added plus, we got to watch the fireworks light up over Lake Delton. ($20 adult; $10 child; tommybartlett.com)

Top Secret, A Highly Classified Experience

•

We drove by this upside-down White House replica several times and were curious to explore what it was inside. The building is a cross between a haunted house, fun house and mystery tour, and it was the biggest disaster of the trip. The tour was much too frightening for our 6-year-old, although we were told it was fine for young children. The guide was difficult to understand, and her script was annoying. The 20-to-30-minute tour couldn’t end soon enough for us. ($12 adult; $10 child; dellstopsecret.com)

Dells Boat Tours Jet Boat Adventures

••••

There are all sorts of river cruises and tours offered to enjoy the beauty of the Wisconsin river, but we chose the high-speed jet boat tour that promised ‘soaking wet spinouts” and “an instant adrenaline rush.” They were not exaggerating. The 50-minute tour on a watercraft with a 1,200-horsepower engine is exciting. But, the water is cold, and we were freezing through most of the ride. The grandmother in front of us came prepared with a huge towel that she covered herself with every time the driver spun doughnuts in the lake. Next time, we would dress warmer and bring towels to avoid getting soaked. ($23 adult; $11.50 child; jetboatadv.com)

Jeremy Allen’s Grand Illusions

••

This is a new magic show featured at the resort at which we were staying. There’s a very small stage and auditorium, so the feel is very intimate. It was a very chilly theater. The corny stage show by the illusionist did not impress either me or my husband, and one trick was performed where only one side of the room could see what he was doing. The highlight of the show is the grand finale involving a white tiger, which amazed most of the audience. Don’t know if it’s worth the price of admission for just that. ($35 adult; $17.50 child; jeremyallensgrandillusions.com)

Kalahari Resort Waterparks

••••

This African-themed resort seemed like one of the nicer ones in the area. The highlight of this indoor park is the FlowRider, where we tried to ride the waves and balance on a surfboard while an instructor guided us. It was challenging, and we waited about 40 minutes for a turn, even with a relatively short line ahead of us. The outdoor slides are not as exciting as the ones we tried at other parks, but the atmosphere was great. ($34 all-day pass; kalahariresorts.com/wi)

Jump right in at Wisconsin Dells

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